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+--- Thread: Cameron MacKinlay - Arcanist (/showthread.php?tid=1145)
Cameron MacKinlay - Arcanist - Cam MacKinlay - 07-19-2023
Path: Arcanist
Rank: Untrained - Circlebreaker
Reputation:
Mundane Skill(s): Melee I
Magic Portfolio: Elemental
Magic Keywords: Earth
Magic Abilities: Charm - Cam can make the ground under someone's feet loosen and be more difficult to traverse.
RE: Cameron MacKinlay - Arcanist - Indy - 07-19-2023
Hey Blois! We've discussed Cam some in the Discord, but he looks like he's shaping up into something more cohesive now, he's looking good. We do have some feedback though.
- Arcanists do not have Cantrips, please remove all mention of this power in the profile. Refer to the creation cheatsheet for a full overview of what you do and do not have as an Arcanist at the beginning.
- Enchanted items that impact the Strike & Cinder system need to be created through rituals, which goes through the moderation process. Remove the notes you have on the items referring to anything regarding Strike & Cinder, as any specifics are created through the ritual process. The items should go into your Inventory as well, as they are not relevant to the character's magical powers.
- Make sure that you've carefully read the Arcanist Path page and the Rituals page. Pay careful attention to the rituals, as that is the central aspect of being an Arcanist. Smiley faces do not fulfill the required steps for a ritual, so you will have to remove this and make sure you're listing only the relevant and current abilities he has access to.
- Remember that portfolios and keywords are in the meta, and the characters do not know they exist. Make sure you're keeping this in mind when framing Cam's focus in ritual magic.
- Readability and comprehension are key when writing collaboratively and for review. Keep in mind you have to strike a balance with writing out accents, overdoing it both reduces readability while risking making it comical when it isn't intended as such. We advise you revisit the accent you picked, and look up a glossary of Edinburgh colloquialisms and use that as a guide rather than phonetically spelling everything out.
As always, once you've addressed these points, tag us in the Discord and we'll re-check the character.
RE: Cameron MacKinlay - Arcanist - Cam MacKinlay - 07-19-2023
Thank you! That was quick.
I realize now some is left over from when Cursed Human was included. Sorry about that. I will review and adjust.
And don't worry, that accents were that strong just for flavour in the history. He will be legible when he is written within the game.
RE: Cameron MacKinlay - Arcanist - Cam MacKinlay - 07-19-2023
Also, I would put all that stuff, magic and weapons and such under Inventory, but the profile template I used didn't have one. Still doesn't, so I figured I had to put them somewhere and stuck them there.
RE: Cameron MacKinlay - Mage - Sluggy - 07-21-2023
Hey Blois!
As noted in the Discord, please move the information into the relevant sections - Magic notes should go in the Magic Notes section, and items should go in the Inventory section. The Other Information section is for information relevant to character's personality, history, and appearance. You have notes about his magic in that section, so make sure you comb the profile over thoroughly.
As for his magic and the keywords: It should be noted that ritual magic is not primal magic. Primal and wild magic is essentially Shifter magic. Ritual magic is invented and carefully constructed. Although the practitioner may hold it as an ideology, there is no spiritual component to it. A ritual is external, planned, and precise, while blood magic is an internal connection with the magic. Make sure you communicate this distinction.
His charm is not a minor ability and is not related to the Earth elemental keyword in any way we can see. If you would like to have something similar, you could say that he forms the earth over his feet? He will not, however, be a completely immovable object as that is beyond the ability of a simple charm.
Here is the process of casting a ritual, which will be relevant to your character: Ritual Basics
That should be everything, please let us know when you're ready for review in #mod-request. Thank you!
Cameron MacKinlay - Arcanist - Indy - 07-23-2023
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