Markus remained calm as the man's gaze turned dangerous, confirming his assessment. The term Max used earlier in a few places and carried significant meaning. Markus already knew the answer, even before he had asked it, he hadn't asked it to challenge the man's experience, but to remind him of lessons learned. Markus had never met a child who realized that the stove was hot just by being told, and he knew, in this case, he was the child. He understood that Max wasn't trying to hurt him but getting Markus to take at least some of his lived experience, whatever that was. The redhead actually appreciated it.
Markus would give the man a genuine smile in return and, with a downturn of his eyes and a tilt of his head, concede whatever challenge had been brewing between the two. His gaze would turn to his drink. Markus knew when to fight and step away; he always had. This particular disagreement was one he had seen before, especially when R&D met the boots on the ground, both thinking what they did overshadow the other. In those experiences, Markus was among the few in R&D who sided with the boots. But, it wasn't an argument he cared to have again.
“You misunderstood the reason behind my question, Max. Remember the first time you lost someone, and think. Did you act the same then as you do now?” Markus had met people with so much loss they had become hardened to it; he hoped he never experienced so much tragedy. He couldn't imagine the shell of a life someone lived at that point, the loneliness they must feel. He continued, his question having being rhetorical and him not wanting an answer. “As you probably realized, being Vic's friend, our lives didn't include much tragedy. We had it pretty damn good. So excuse me if the first person I lost takes some time and a bit of stumbling. However, I know my strengths; if you think sitting at this bar, giving Victoria's apology, it's due, and checking for information is all I am doing. Then think again. Why do you think I was at the Sewing Circle, that damned meeting at the Byte Bash, or have visited almost every god-forsaken library in this city? You're right; I have to be ready to act, but to do so, I have to know what I am up against and how to deal with it. Had I gone half-cocked into the city, then I might as well have just stayed in those damn waters and let it wash away my memories because my fate would have been far worse.”
Markus didn't look at the man as he spoke, and his tone was that of hard acceptance and even a little broken and vulnerable. Markus knew he was too late to save his sister in his heart of hearts. He had even come to accept that he wouldn't be the one to bring her killers to justice; that is what his three months in Europe after discovering all of this had been for. There was too much unknown, and he was too disconnected. However, that didn't mean he was willing to give up, and if, in his search, he learned how to save someone else later, it would be worth it.
Markus would give the man a genuine smile in return and, with a downturn of his eyes and a tilt of his head, concede whatever challenge had been brewing between the two. His gaze would turn to his drink. Markus knew when to fight and step away; he always had. This particular disagreement was one he had seen before, especially when R&D met the boots on the ground, both thinking what they did overshadow the other. In those experiences, Markus was among the few in R&D who sided with the boots. But, it wasn't an argument he cared to have again.
“You misunderstood the reason behind my question, Max. Remember the first time you lost someone, and think. Did you act the same then as you do now?” Markus had met people with so much loss they had become hardened to it; he hoped he never experienced so much tragedy. He couldn't imagine the shell of a life someone lived at that point, the loneliness they must feel. He continued, his question having being rhetorical and him not wanting an answer. “As you probably realized, being Vic's friend, our lives didn't include much tragedy. We had it pretty damn good. So excuse me if the first person I lost takes some time and a bit of stumbling. However, I know my strengths; if you think sitting at this bar, giving Victoria's apology, it's due, and checking for information is all I am doing. Then think again. Why do you think I was at the Sewing Circle, that damned meeting at the Byte Bash, or have visited almost every god-forsaken library in this city? You're right; I have to be ready to act, but to do so, I have to know what I am up against and how to deal with it. Had I gone half-cocked into the city, then I might as well have just stayed in those damn waters and let it wash away my memories because my fate would have been far worse.”
Markus didn't look at the man as he spoke, and his tone was that of hard acceptance and even a little broken and vulnerable. Markus knew he was too late to save his sister in his heart of hearts. He had even come to accept that he wouldn't be the one to bring her killers to justice; that is what his three months in Europe after discovering all of this had been for. There was too much unknown, and he was too disconnected. However, that didn't mean he was willing to give up, and if, in his search, he learned how to save someone else later, it would be worth it.